You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
