McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
