OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i've created a new STD.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
