Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
