I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
