Sry I called you an 8
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
