even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
