a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
