Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
