sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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