I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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