He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
pop tarts are not kleenex
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
