Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
