And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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