i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
