I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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