When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
ttyl tear gas
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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