so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
