I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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