areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
