I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
