we have pet lesbian snakes
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
