I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I am mentally ready for anal.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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