He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Its about making memories worth repressing
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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