He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
