Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
