Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
