were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
