Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
