uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The power of my boobs compel you
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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