I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The dick lei will go down in squad history
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
