your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
