Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
