I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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