he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
