she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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