If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
