Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
