Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
