o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
