i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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