Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
bring money and cleavage
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
