I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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