Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
