Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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