Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
