I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
