He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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