Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
