She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
its not stalking. its research.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
