It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
