Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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