he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
