I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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